Think doing great work isn’t enough?  You’re right.

 Word Count: 695

Reading time:  1.5 minutes

When chemists at Proctor and Gamble created Febreze, they were thrilled.  Their invention eliminated even the most noxious odors which they’d proved by testing it on a Park Service Ranger.  Before Febreze, the ranger’s skin, clothes and car all reeked of skunk and her entire social life had to be conducted over the phone.  After Febreze, her friends came over in droves.  To the Ranger, Febreze was a miracle. Febreze was expected to be a runaway success.  But Febreze did not sell.

Focus groups confirmed that the product worked perfectly:  Before Febreze, maximum stinkiness; after Febreze, nothing.  Everyone agreed it worked as advertised.

And that was the problem.  One participant said, “After I’ve done all that work to clean the house, I want to know that I’ve done something.  I want the house to smell clean.”

It wasn’t enough to have a clean house. It wasn’t enough to make the stale, bad smells go away.  It never is.

It’s never enough to complete the task, even when you knock it out of the park.

It’s not really finished until it’s celebrated, acknowledged, noticed.  And that means noticing people and what they contributed.

The scientists went back to the lab and added scent to Febreze, and the product sold briskly.  The scent didn’t make the product work any better.  The scent let people know that they’d made a difference.

How important is acknowledgement?

In Mexican culture, there are 3 levels of death:   When your body quits is the first death.  When your body is buried or cremated is the second death.  The third death is when people stop remembering and telling stories about you.

Death isn’t final until your contribution goes unacknowledged.

In meetings, at work, all day, long we kill people’s spirits by refusing to offer simple, gracious acknowledgement of what they contribute.  We injure our own natural kindness by not looking for those stories to tell, by being driven by the clock, the calendar, by urgency that is nothing more than an invention, by the terror that comes with trying and failing and trying again.

Let’s stop that.

In Mexican culture, they set aside a day a year to remember the dead and tell their stories.  All I’m asking of you is 3-5 minutes at the end of every meeting.

What this isn’t

This is not 3-5 minutes of “Kum-ba-yah.”  It’s not a speed bump on the road to accomplishing a task.  And it is most certainly not a way to make a public, uneasy peace with people who are not performing in their jobs, nor is it a consensus activity where we all agree.  It’s an acknowledgement activity disguised as a list.

How the “Plus-Delta” evaluation works

1. Make two lists on a flipchart or whiteboard.  On the first list write what worked well about the meeting or interaction.  This is the “plus” list.  Ask the group for suggestions before adding your own.  List fast using partial sentences or single words, clarify only, don’t argue and let the accomplishments register in your body.

2. The “Delta” list  is a list of what your group wants to change for next time. (A delta is the mathematical symbol for change) Asking for changes rather than complaints (or “minuses”) is how you get away from listening to people complain about something in the past that you can’t change, which is as exhausting as it is pointless.  You want to know what to change so you can all change it, not get saddled with someone’s orphaned discontent.

3.  Review each list, then promise to make the changes you can and acknowledge those you can’t.  Bring the list to the next meeting and review it when you open the meeting.

In my experience, when people can see how they’ve contributed, many icky behaviors simply disappear. It’s not necessary to gamify the workplace, to up the stakes continually, to bribe people to bring their best to a task.

We all want to be part of a story that never ends.  Acknowledgement does that.

If you think it’s the leader’s job to make a meeting great, you’re going to be in a LOT of bad meetings.  Especially if you’re the leader.

Word Count:  598

Reading Time: About a minute

“You see but you do not observe.”

Benedict Cumberbatch in Sherlock

Meetings are a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.

How does a leader get participation without losing control, stay on task without offending anyone, and get to a result while everyone is still young?

By enlisting the help of their participants.  Participants, no need to wait for an invitation to help out.

Here are a few useful facts about groups to get you started:

1. Groups are terrifying.  Pick up a copy of Robert’s Rules of Order and ask yourself why it takes a 700-page book of instructions to run a meeting.   I think it was terror.  Captain Roberts was dealing with an unruly, armed mob.  He had good reason to be frightened.

Public speaking in the number 1 fear in survey after survey.  Speaking in a meeting is speaking in public even when there isn’t an armed mob.

Meetings have to be designed with terror in mind:  The leader’s terror and the attendee’s terror.  This fear makes us do crazy things like give the same impassioned speech over and over, get tongue-tied at the worst possible time or say the wrong thing.  We might blame the leader and not take any responsibility for the meeting.  The leader might find participants unequal to the task.  No one is at their best when they are frightened.  Let’s throw away the big book and be merciful with each other.

2. Authority is unavoidable.  There is always a final decision-maker.  I’m not sure who started the rumor that meetings have to be designed to disguise this fact, but that isn’t the case.  Authority that is transparent and fair can be a relief.  Just because a group will energetically debate a point doesn’t mean they really care about it.  A decision that goes too long is a sign to step in and decide.  A group can be like a little kid who is tired, but heroically fighting sleep.  If you’re the leader, check with the group then make the decision.  If you’re a group member, you can ask for a decision.

3. There is no ideal meeting.  Real meetings are messier than your fantasy meeting, while being satisfying and productive.  They do not require recovery time at the water cooler or in the cab ride to the airport.  The best meetings are those the leader and participants co-create in the moment.  Speak up when it’s not working.  And don’t just criticize.  Make a suggestion.

4. Try Another Way.   I still remember the training film I saw my first day as a Music therapist at Sonoma State Hospital.  It featured scene after scene with a therapist trying to get the attention of a profoundly retarded hospital resident.  The therapist would repeat the same behavior over and over getting louder and more frustrated.  The resident would remain unresponsive.  Just as I was pondering which one of them was truly retarded, a disembodied voice would boom:  “TRY ANOTHER WAY.”  In the new scene, a new therapist would do something that successfully engaged the resident.   Something else.

You’re going to have to say things more than once and in more than one way.  This is the nature of communication under stress.  Try something you haven’t yet tried.  I’m not talking about theatrics.  Your job is to find a way to get heard.

Groups are a little like container ships:  It takes a mile to turn them.  Persist.

What are your thoughts about meetings?

Think you can compromise your way to collaboration?  I see it differently.

Word Count: 482

Reading Time: 1.5 minutes

Collaboration and compromise are not related. They don’t even hang out together.

Here are definitions of each from the online Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

Compromise: 1. Settlement of differences by mutual concessions.

b : Something intermediate between, or blending qualities of two different things

Collaborate: 1. to work jointly with others especially in an intellectual endeavor

In compromise, you reconcile differences by letting go of something you care about. Or you ask others to do that.  According to  Merriam-Webster, concession is:  something done or agreed to usually grudgingly in order to reach an agreement or improve a situation.

While expedient for moving past differences, compromise has nothing to do with collaboration.

Collaboration builds; compromise weakens.

I know what you’re thinking:  But, if we’ve reached an impasse and are running out of time, shouldn’t we compromise and move on?

If you don’t mind the “grudgingly” part, sure.  If you are prepared to live with “grudgingly” for the rest of your time on the planet, by all means, compromise.

But I think it’s worth a minute or two reach for collaboration.

Collaboration has 3 cardinal rules:

1. We uncover our common goal and stick to it like glue.

2. We bring all of ourselves in service of the common goal, especially those parts that make us vulnerable.

3.  We don’t ask for or make concessions; we look for whole-hearted solutions.

Facilitating Collaboration

When you facilitate a compromise, your goal is resolving differences.  If we can’t all agree on A or B, then let’s make C out of what we can get past the censors.  No one is happy with the result, but we’ all put a good face on it.  Often, we are so exhausted, we’re just glad the conversation is over.  Compromises are not enduring.  They come apart under the tiniest jostling, like wallpaper over a crack.  That’s why compromise leads to feeble follow-through and resentments that simmer, sometimes for generations.

When open discussion is your default meeting process, compromise is the best you can hope for.

If the fissures in your group keep popping up and derailing your momentum, this is the most likely cause.

Facilitating collaboration requires a complex skillset.  It will feel all wrong at first, like you’re about to break your group.  That’s because “working jointly” is not the same as agreeing.  It’s more like taking a journey together.  You don’t march in lockstep to your destination, you arrive.

A transparently fair, structured process that is consistently applied is what collaboration needs.  You probably think this takes more time and will silence individual voices, but it does the opposite:  It’s much faster, yields a better result, and builds a creative, resilient group or relationship.  It’s this paradox that makes collaborating so deeply rewarding.

Take one tiny step toward collaboration

1.  Notice.  Are the meetings you attend set up for collaboration or compromise?  The meetings you lead?  (Hint:  Structured meeting processes hinder compromise and support collaboration.  Do you use them?)

Notice your reaction to this newsletter.  Do you see it differently?  Tell me what you see in the comments.

Next week I’ll talk more about the specifics of collaboration.  There’s a lot to say and more to practice.  We’ll take it bit-by-bit, and keep it easy and fun.

Word Count: 681

Reading Time:  1.5 minutes

When all is said and done, a lot more is said than done, especially in meetings

I’m in Powell’s books in Portland, Oregon, making a beeline for the business section so I can luxuriate in all their books on meetings.  I spot it:  “Meetings,” three glorious shelves of books.  The first 6 titles are on presenting, but never mind, I’m sure there will be some good books on running a collaborative work session, the limits of Robert’s Rules, some really solid advice about getting to action in a group.  Nope.   Most of the books on the “Meetings” shelves are  about making a presentation.  The rest are detailed explanations about using Robert’s Rules of Order.

If the bookshelves at Powell’s are any indication, meetings are where you go to talk, or to listen to others read dense PowerPoint slides aloud.   There seems to be little hope that meetings can be any better than this, which I find tragic.  Because there is not a shred of evidence that supports the value of meeting like this.

Consider these facts about the human brain:

1. “As you no doubt have noticed if you’ve ever sat through a typical PowerPoint presentation, people don’t pay attention to boring things (Brain Rule #4). You’ve got seconds to grab someone’s attention, and only 10 minutes to keep it. At 9 minutes and 59 seconds, something must be done quickly—something emotional and relevant.” From the book, Brain Rules, by John Medina

2. “It is literally impossible for our brains to multitask when it comes to paying attention,” yet we expect people to listen to a speaker read powerpoint slides out loud while they are reading them silently (Brain Rules again).  Asking the brain to listen and read at the same time is how psychologist Milton Erickson put his most resistant patients into a hypnotic trance.

3. We remember only 5% of what we hear, 50% of what we interact with and 90% of what we teach.  (Adult learning theory)

4. Adults learn only what is relevant to them. (Adult learning theory)

What this means
In a typical boring 25-minute read/listen powerpoint presentation, the presenter is utterly alone for the last 15 of those minutes.  The first 10 minutes will likely put people in trance. Those who avoid the trance will retain only 5% of what is presented.  Of that 5%, only what is relevant to each person will be absorbed and applied which means the 5 people who stayed alert will have 5 different ideas of what you said.

Is it any wonder people leave meetings passive and dulled, with wildly different ideas of what was said?

Make this one change to cut meeting time in half

Do not read aloud material that people are reading silently.  Either turn off the projector, insert a slide with only a title, or stop talking and let people read.

Better yet, send the information out as pre-work with  1 or 2 questions that require a command of the material.  You may think that’s asking too much of people.

I once asked a client to send out a 2-inch document with 367 entries 3 days before a meeting.  I wanted people to have digested the information and come to the meeting with  their top 5 entries so we could get right to work narrowing the list.  All 12 people came with their top 5 and we started the meeting by listing them.   I’ve never seen 12 strangers come together faster or work more effectively. We started right in the middle of the action, blew past consensus, and got all the way to unanimity.  It was an electrifying meeting.  I’ve never facilitated another one like it.

I think many leaders ask too little of meetings and too little of meeting participants.  Virtual meetings have made it worse.  Making meetings the equivalent of a television talk show tells participants you expect them to be passive observers.    You are more than a human brochure, dispensing information.  When was the last time you descried a meeting as electrifying?

Word Count: 684

Reading Time: Under 2 minutes

If you’re settling for buy-in, it’s no wonder everything is taking so long.

“’Just out of curiosity, what happy memory were you thinking of?’

‘The first time I rode a broom.’

‘That’s not good enough, not nearly good enough.’”

from Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkeban

The first time Harry Potter, a young wizard in training, tries to summon the powerful protective presence called a patronus, he fails. In order to conjure a partonus, he must be fully committed to his happy memory.

This is how I think of “buy-in:” When Harry “buys-in,” he fails.  When he commits, he succeeds.

Buy-in defined

I’m aware of three drfinitions:  the practice of underbidding a job with the intent of raising the price after you win the contract; the intervention of a third party (and added expense) to complete a flubbed stock sale, and what a poker player does when she joins a game in progress.

So buy-in is either intent to deceive and gouge, a penalty for failing to execute a sale, or a temporary commitment to a game.  Yuck!  No wonder our meetings wander and our projects stall.

Buy-in or Commitment?

When it comes to getting things done, I know in my bones what a commitment is.  I have no idea what a buy-in is.  Commitment leads to results and accountability, and, near as I can tell, buy-in leads to doing what we agreed to until I get a better offer.  Consider the bacon and egg breakfast:  The chicken buys in, but the pig is committed.

Commitment is what gives a project or venture its momentum.

Buy-in isn’t good enough, not nearly good enough for that. Commit and you succeed or fail in full view of others. The vague, hazy nature of buy-in makes it a wonderful place to hide.  Is that why we settle for it in our organizations?

If you want better results, you’re going to have to stop doing what you’ve always done.   Here are some ways to stop settling for buy-in and get to commitment that moves you forward.

1.  Stop saying “buy-in.”  Instead, say exactly what you mean.  If you mean “I need your agreement,” say so.  If you mean “commitment” say that.  If you mean “this is your responsibility now,” speak up.  Instead of telling your boss “I need your buy-in,” tell them how much money and staff you’re looking for.

2.  Tell it true.  I suspect we use the word buy-in because pressing for agreement might get you an answer you don’t like.  It might even cause your group to split into factions, and then what?  What if the decision that’s been made demotivates your group?  These are valid concerns.  Say them out loud, then ask for the commitment you need.

3.  Stop using Faux-census.  Real consensus is a highly structured process that takes a group from scattered to committed.  Real consensus means authority for the decision belongs to the people in the room.  Faux-census is when you pretend this is the case, but in reality the decision has already been made.  You’re going through the motions to fool your group, and calling that “buy-in.”.  If you’re doing this to your group or organization, you’ve earned every ounce of “buy-in” you’re getting.  See number 1 above.

I know, I know:  I’m a little feisty this week.  I’ve been in some frighteningly bad VIRTUAL meetings lately and I’m saddened by how hard it was to stay present enough to contribute.  In response I’ve decided to launch a 52-week program in April/May:  VIRTUAL Meetings: HOW TO GO from Deadly to Divine.  It will have tons of useful content, homework, monthly calls and unlimited email access to me for a year.  I’m aiming to turn all takers into collaboration warrior-princes and princesses.  You don’t have to lead meetings to make a difference, in fact, you can rock any meeting no matter what your role.

If you think you might be interested, let me hear from you in the comments.  I’ll make sure and keep you in the loop.