Comments on: Either/Or vs. Both/And http://collaborationzone.com/either-or-vs-both-and/2009/02/19/ Redefining Teamwork Sat, 29 Oct 2011 14:37:58 +0000 hourly 1 By: Liz Williams http://collaborationzone.com/either-or-vs-both-and/2009/02/19/comment-page-1/#comment-76 Liz Williams Tue, 03 Mar 2009 14:16:53 +0000 http://collaborationzone.com/?p=193#comment-76 Indira - I'm so glad you liked the post. I'm still finding my way with Bowen theory, and so energized by the exploration, as well as the reading I'm doing. Your description fits my experience too: The anxiety of connecting torpedoes the attempt to do so. A mundane example is someone asking me what I thought of the movie we just saw. If it has affected me at all, I'll be unable to articulate what I thought of it, and I'll be able to really answer after a good night's sleep. I wonder - can it be as simple as saying: "I don't know yet - ask me a bit later." Indira – I’m so glad you liked the post. I’m still finding my way with Bowen theory, and so energized by the exploration, as well as the reading I’m doing.

Your description fits my experience too: The anxiety of connecting torpedoes the attempt to do so. A mundane example is someone asking me what I thought of the movie we just saw. If it has affected me at all, I’ll be unable to articulate what I thought of it, and I’ll be able to really answer after a good night’s sleep.

I wonder – can it be as simple as saying: “I don’t know yet – ask me a bit later.”

]]> By: Indira http://collaborationzone.com/either-or-vs-both-and/2009/02/19/comment-page-1/#comment-74 Indira Wed, 25 Feb 2009 19:36:05 +0000 http://collaborationzone.com/?p=193#comment-74 I do the same - disconnect from people because I don't know how to incorporate their perspectives. This is particularly true when my own perspective isn't yet clear enough for me to articulate and discuss. In the language of Bowen, it's as though the anxiety over wanting to stay connected makes the other person's perspective seem overwhelming, which is disorienting if I am still sorting out my own thoughts - and as a result I disconnect and stop communicating, or communicate badly. Meanwhile, the anxiety halts my own thought process from continuing healthily/normally. This is an interesting lens to understand the process, and think about how to handle it.... Really liked this post Liz. I do the same – disconnect from people because I don’t know how to incorporate their perspectives. This is particularly true when my own perspective isn’t yet clear enough for me to articulate and discuss. In the language of Bowen, it’s as though the anxiety over wanting to stay connected makes the other person’s perspective seem overwhelming, which is disorienting if I am still sorting out my own thoughts – and as a result I disconnect and stop communicating, or communicate badly. Meanwhile, the anxiety halts my own thought process from continuing healthily/normally. This is an interesting lens to understand the process, and think about how to handle it….

Really liked this post Liz.

]]> By: Liz Williams http://collaborationzone.com/either-or-vs-both-and/2009/02/19/comment-page-1/#comment-72 Liz Williams Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:07:22 +0000 http://collaborationzone.com/?p=193#comment-72 Vincent - Sometimes the "urge to disconnect" is so strong I find myself stating - rather, overstating - my position in a way that pushes people away. Then I am embarrassed, and find it easier to stay at a distance, even when I want to remain connected. As I'm seeing this tendency in myself, I'm wondering if it's like that for others. In a similar vein, I'm seeing the wisdom of "saving face," not as a sop for the ego as I once judged it to be, but as a means of keeping the connection open. As I feel my way along this path, I've found myself a bit overwhelmed. Your experience, and the way you've cut through all the theory to the crux of the matter, helps me to see my way more clearly. I'm getting a sense that this theory can be a support for establishing better patterns, and that's thrilling to me. Thank you for your comment. I expect to be blogging about this in the next few weeks and I look forward to hearing more from you. Vincent – Sometimes the “urge to disconnect” is so strong I find myself stating – rather, overstating – my position in a way that pushes people away. Then I am embarrassed, and find it easier to stay at a distance, even when I want to remain connected. As I’m seeing this tendency in myself, I’m wondering if it’s like that for others. In a similar vein, I’m seeing the wisdom of “saving face,” not as a sop for the ego as I once judged it to be, but as a means of keeping the connection open.

As I feel my way along this path, I’ve found myself a bit overwhelmed. Your experience, and the way you’ve cut through all the theory to the crux of the matter, helps me to see my way more clearly. I’m getting a sense that this theory can be a support for establishing better patterns, and that’s thrilling to me. Thank you for your comment. I expect to be blogging about this in the next few weeks and I look forward to hearing more from you.

]]> By: Vincent Randy http://collaborationzone.com/either-or-vs-both-and/2009/02/19/comment-page-1/#comment-71 Vincent Randy Fri, 20 Feb 2009 09:41:13 +0000 http://collaborationzone.com/?p=193#comment-71 Bowen Family Systems Theory is a very interesting framework one can use to view relationships and challenges arising out of them in a new light. While it is not perfect, I have found that it is more accurate than a model that is solely based on the individual (i.e. only considering that what counts is what a person does or does not do, regardless of the system). My experience has been that when a time comes when one must stay where one stands on a particular topic, in particular when one sense that it is a sensitive one, staying connected with others gets difficult. One automatically feels the urge to disconnect from others. As some people have said, anyone can take a stand by being very straightforward about what one thinks; it is much more difficult to be able to stay in contact after one has stated one's position. That would include making the effort to keep the channels of communications open, not justifying one's position, etc. Vincent Bowen Family Systems Theory is a very interesting framework one can use to view relationships and challenges arising out of them in a new light. While it is not perfect, I have found that it is more accurate than a model that is solely based on the individual (i.e. only considering that what counts is what a person does or does not do, regardless of the system). My experience has been that when a time comes when one must stay where one stands on a particular topic, in particular when one sense that it is a sensitive one, staying connected with others gets difficult. One automatically feels the urge to disconnect from others. As some people have said, anyone can take a stand by being very straightforward about what one thinks; it is much more difficult to be able to stay in contact after one has stated one’s position. That would include making the effort to keep the channels of communications open, not justifying one’s position, etc.
Vincent

]]>