Let’s say you’ve got a group with a little free-floating rage. Nothing too terrible, just a little, you know, frustration, marked by an inability to move on, perhaps for years. You can try the old chestnut where you list all the issues, declare them in the past and agree never to speak of them again. Except you’ve just spent 30-60 (or more!) minutes reinforcing the complaints and negativity, amping up the limbic system and reinforcing the very neuronal paths you want to extinguish. Probably not the best approach. And, saying “you can’t talk about that” just drives them underground. Besides, you want these complaints as a springboard for problem-solving. What you need is a way to hold them differently, a way to create some transformation space around them. Here are two ideas:

1. Have pairs, trios or some other subgroup create skits depicting the frustrating situation then follow that up with one depicting the situation as they’ like it to be. Ideally, you’d ask them to do something creative with this: act it out as if everyone were animals, do a group sculpture showing the relative position of everyone in the drama, perform a song, limerick or haiku - something that engages a different part of the brain than the part that’s stuck. Watch all the performances, then, in the debrief, use the positive version as a spring board for action planning.

2. Rework the board game CLUE! This is riskier, faster, high-energy fun. Have the group generate new CLUE! solutions based on the frustrating situation. You can prime the pump by making the following three lists:
Places (can include virtual places)
Categories of people (probably job titles)
Murder weapons (these can be objects or behaviors)

After you’ve had the group list all three, have them generate new solutions in this format:
It was (category of person) in the (place) with a (murder weapon).

Examples:
It was the executive in the boardroom with a powerpoint
It was HR in the computer with an email

After they’ve had their fun with others, have them generate some more, this time using this format:

It was the team member in the (place) with the (murder weapon).

This gives the group a fun and easy way to make the shift from blaming others to seeing their own culpability and returning them to a sense of personal power. Productive action planning follows naturally.

Christine Kane calls gratitude “the ultimate bringer of more. It is the ultimate releaser of drama.” This article from Pepperdine University links expressing gratitude to increased cardiovascular and immune function as well as increased optimism and success. Martin Seligman’s research suggests that a daily practice of gratitudes is as effective at combating depression as cognitive therapy and anti-depressants combined.

So, why not use it for a team that’s running on fumes and could use some encouragement? Why not use it to sustain your high-performing team? It’s easy, uplifting and fun to replace whining, complaining and gossiping with appreciation, gratitude and counting your blessings.

This attitude of gratitude icebreaker comes in two flavors: face-to-face and virtual.

Face-to-face: At the start of your meeting (team, project, staff, annual planning - any meeting) ask everyone to list 3 things they’re grateful for in the last 24 hours. Then go around the room having each person read their list. That’s it. The real pay-off is in doing it every time you meet, making it your practice.

Virtual: Send a group email to your team every morning, listing three things you’re grateful for in the last 24 hours. Ask each of them to do the same and watch the positive momentum build.

I’ve been doing the virtual version for the last month with members of my business group, the BUGs. It’s made a huge difference: I’m not interested in finding things to complain about anymore. Instead, I find I’m focused on making each experience something I can be grateful for which is so much more fun! The practice has made me much more creative - more of a problem solver - and much more peaceful. I’m more optimistic too. Try it with your team and let me know how it goes.

I love this icebreaker: it works for any size group, participants learn something valuable about themselves and each other, it incorporates the latest research, and it’s so energizing and engaging, it’s difficult to get them to stop.

Strengths-Based
This icebreaker is based on the VIA Signature Strengths Survey found on Martin Seligman’s website. Focusing on people’s strengths is not only a genius approach to leadership, it’s a refreshing change from the deficit-based approach that has bedeviled corporate America and hindered performance and satisfatction for decades. It takes some preparation on your part, but the benefits are worth it. Here’s what you do:

Prep
1. Give participants about 10 days lead time to complete the VIA Signature Strengths Survey at (This is a 240-question survey that takes about 25 minutes to complete. They’ll have to register in order to access the survey. Although, free and easy, it will take some time.)

2. Ask participants to print out their complete results (all 24 strengths in order) and bring that print-out to the meeting.

3. Have each participant email you their top 5 strengths.

4. Compile the group’s top 5 strengths and put them on a flipchart page, butcher paper or Powerpoint slide for display. (I list all 24 strengths, tally the results of the group, then reorder the list so the strength with the most tick marks is listed first, the strength with the second most is listed second, and so forth).

Running the Icebreaker
1. 10-20 minutes. Have participants mingle and show each other their top 5 strengths. If you want more depth here, encourage people to linger; if you want them to mix more, let them know that too. In large groups where I want to encourage to get to know people they don’t work with, I’ll ask them to talk to at least 5 people they don’t usually work with. When I really want to push quantity over quality, I’ll time them and give a prize to the person who talked to the most people in the room.

2. 7-10 minutes. When I call the group back together, I ask them what they noticed. They’ll talk about how many of them have one or two strengths in common and you’ll see many heads nodding. Then someone will say “But no one else had this one.” Debrief by displaying the group’s top-5 list you compiled and asking for responses to that list.

That’s it for the icebreaker. I recommend you display the group’s top-5 list for the rest of the meeting (this is why I prefer a large chart to Powerpoint - it can serve as a visual reminder). I find that group members will keep referring to the list and thinking about the connections between their work and their strengths for the rest of the meeting.

Give it a try and let me know how it comes out. And if you’ve done something similar, I’d love to hear about it.

Some mistakes you can only make with a computer. That’s how a draft of this went out well before its time. My apologies. Here’s what I meant to say:

“Give people a fact or idea and you enlighten their minds; tell them a story and you touch their souls” -Hasidic proverb

Lately I’ve been thinking about how disconnected a work team can get while each member is pursuing their separate responsibilities. Nowhere is this more evident than the in an executive’s team of directors. Each director has more to do than they can handle, and oversees a function that is wildly different from and independent of those of their peers. Add distance to this mix and building cohesion gets even more difficult. That’s why staff meetings can become recitations by the boss - tidbits of information, detailed reports from the boardroom - one endless, boring presentation after another. Rather than break down silos and territoriality, these meetings reinforce it.

Let’s face it: These middle and senior management teams have no common work product that they can come together in service of. Saying they all work together to realize the company’s annual goals is too abstract. And, the cost of gathering these groups together for face time necessary to build cohesion is significant.

So, if your group doesn’t realistically work on a common task, how can you build esprit d’corps?

1. Lower your expectations. You’re not failing if your group isn’t going bowling together every Friday night. You’re not getting substandard results because some people work best alone. Teams have been over-hyped and oversold. Instead of thinking your team has to join hands and sing Kumbaya, adopt this standard instead: No injuries, no deaths = a successful team.

2. Treat them like adults. They buy and sell big ticket items, make life and death decisions, balance their own budgets and work within limitations every day. Is it realistic to think they can’t handle the truth about a budget cut, a lay-off or be undone when they hear the word “no?”

3. Suck it up. Rather than swinging wildly between faux-sensus (get them in a room, ask them to come to agreement about something that is a foregone conclusion, but may prove unpopular, and call it “coming to consensus”) and dictatorial emails that infer the decision is someone else’s fault. Instead, notice that these are the same thing: You not owning a decision that is yours to make or announce. Eventually, your group will notice this is a game and they’ll stop playing it.

4. Use processes designed for groups. These make a place for the orderly expression of conflict which enables your group to disagree without becoming disagreeable. They allow you to get exactly the kind of participation and interaction you want out of every meeting. That’s what you want. The road to “teamosity” goes right through the town of conflict and returns there often. Having a clear path to walk ensure you’ll survive the trip. I’ll write more about these in next week’s post.

5.Stories. Tell each other stories about what touches you, what challenges you, what inspires you, what you’ve learned, what you’re grateful for. Tell your story. Tell them the story of the department you’ve always wanted, the vision you hold but need their help realizing, the reason you came to work here, took this particular job. Make yourself visible and vulnerable, then see what happens next.

I have this persistent idea for an icebreaker: Each time you meet, a different person has to bring a story, poem or quote that has touched or changed them. They tell the story, read the poem or quote, then say what it means to them. I’m looking for an on-going group(s) who will be my guinea pig on this. Any takers?

I used to hate icebreakers when I attended meetings. As a facilitator, I’ve come to adore them. I’m especially fond of the results they yield when used over time: increased familiarity, ease and fun. Some of my clients incorporate them into all their meetings, using an offbeat question or two each time they meet. Nothing beats a personal question for breaking the ice and building a team, especially when you meet by phone. The best questions are the ones that let us see into the mundane in each other’s lives. Two of my favorite questions, “What CD is in your car right now?” and “What is the last book you read?” yield consistently hilarious results.

And, it’s simple and quick to do: Write 1-3 questions on a flipchart pad and give participants a 5-10 seconds of silence to come up with answers. Reiterate the rules for round robin (no discussion, time limit of 20 seconds for your answer), and let the fun begin. This is the best way for groups up to 16 or so. For larger groups, consider taking 24 questions and making a bingo game out of it. If you’d like my standard version of this, I’d be happy to email it - either email me or leave a comment.

The Master List of Questions
Here’s a list of questions to get you started:

1. What CD is in your car?
2. What’s the last book you read?
3. Do you prefer to dance alone or with someone else?
4. What’s your favorite color?
5. What’s your favorite food
6. What’s your favorite dessert?
7. What’s your favorite vacation spot?
8. When you were a kid, what did you want to grow up to be?
9. What is the title of the novel you want to write?
10. What is your favorite song?
11. Who is your favorite singer?
12. Who is your favorite band?
13. Who is your favorite actor?
14. What is your all-time favorite movie?
15. What was the last movie you saw in a theatre?
16. If you could do/be anything, what would you do/be?
17. If you could live anywhere, where would you live?
18. What are the names of your pets?
19. Have you changed your name?
20. Where were you born?
21. Where did you go to school?
22. Do you have brothers or sisters? Their names?
23. Where are you in your family’s birth order? (oldest, middle, youngest, 4th, 5th, etc.)
24. Who is your favorite superhero?

There - that’s enough for a 5×5 bingo card, or for several meetings. I’ve got scads more. You can generate your own of course, or ask your team for ideas. Let me know how it goes.