Christine Kane calls gratitude “the ultimate bringer of more. It is the ultimate releaser of drama.” This article from Pepperdine University links expressing gratitude to increased cardiovascular and immune function as well as increased optimism and success. Martin Seligman’s research suggests that a daily practice of gratitudes is as effective at combating depression as cognitive therapy and anti-depressants combined.

So, why not use it for a team that’s running on fumes and could use some encouragement? Why not use it to sustain your high-performing team? It’s easy, uplifting and fun to replace whining, complaining and gossiping with appreciation, gratitude and counting your blessings.

This attitude of gratitude icebreaker comes in two flavors: face-to-face and virtual.

Face-to-face: At the start of your meeting (team, project, staff, annual planning - any meeting) ask everyone to list 3 things they’re grateful for in the last 24 hours. Then go around the room having each person read their list. That’s it. The real pay-off is in doing it every time you meet, making it your practice.

Virtual: Send a group email to your team every morning, listing three things you’re grateful for in the last 24 hours. Ask each of them to do the same and watch the positive momentum build.

I’ve been doing the virtual version for the last month with members of my business group, the BUGs. It’s made a huge difference: I’m not interested in finding things to complain about anymore. Instead, I find I’m focused on making each experience something I can be grateful for which is so much more fun! The practice has made me much more creative - more of a problem solver - and much more peaceful. I’m more optimistic too. Try it with your team and let me know how it goes.

You know how sometimes you feel kind of itchy, but you don’t know why? You’re not unhappy, or dissatisfied with anything in particular, you’re just not all in. That’s how I was when I got off the plane in Maui. So, when Rex got me singing in baggage claim, I started smiling deep inside, and that got my attention.

I woke up the next morning with one thought: I want a ukulele.

So I went to the local music store and bought one. I’m in love with it.

Until I notice that it won’t play in tune. Back to the store it must go, but not before I head to the shop of the guy who made it to make inquiries.

The maker’s shop is a room full of ukuleles. There’s an old/ageless man in the corner playing amazing uke and another sitting across from him strumming along. I plop down next to the strummer and make my confession about buying one of their ukes with bad intonation. I ask for help. They assure me that their ukes play in tune and that my new uke is hiding in that shop. Soon, one ukulele after another is being put in my hands and the old/ageless man is teaching me song after song. My partner, Carolyn, (who initially hoped this would be a quick transaction, gives in and) supplies the vocals in her lovely lilting soprano. 2 hours pass in ukulele bliss, but without a resolution to my problem: I love a ukulele that won’t play in tune. What to do?

In the morning, clarity dawns: Though completely besotted, I am unable to play anything out of tune, so I return it to the music store and confess to having perfect pitch. One of the owners is similarly afflicted. One after another, he puts all the expensive ukes in my hands to prove that they can play in tune. They can, and beautifully.

But, $1600.00 seems catastrophically expensive for a vacation whim. And, even in that price range, I’m still not besotted.

Finally, the owner hands me his own uke, an 8-string Kamaka tenor, made by a Hawaiian family for 3 generations. I like it, but I’m not in love with it. It’s cheaper than $1600, but still quite a bit more than I want to pay. He says “we’re getting a shipment of Kamaka ukes in two days. I might have one that isn’t already sold.”

I spend the next couple of days playing every tenor uke on Maui. Though I find many that play in tune, I do not fall in love. I fall slightly in like with one, but it’s go one of those 4-digit price tags. I’m starting to think I’ll be going home ukulele-less.

When the Kamakas comes in, I figure I’ve got nothing to lose, so back to the store I go. The ukes are stacked in their cases on a table in the back of the store, at least 30 or them and in all sizes. I start with a tenor and fall in love on the first strum. I hear myself say “I’ll take it.”

I’ve got a ukulele, and I’ve been invited into several stories now - the real estate agent wanting everyone to love Maui as much as he does, the music store owner wanting me to love my ukulele as much as he loved his, the guys in the maker’s shop, wanting me to love playing the as much as they do - and to join the worldwide community of ukesters. I resonate with each of those stories. I’m drawn to them. And I’m still not sure what my storyline is here. It’s no longer “I bought a uke on a vacation whim.” After several days of focusing exclusively on it, I’m way past the whim stage. I think it’s now officially a project. Because what is a project, but a story? And what is a story but a description of a journey? Project, story, journey, initiative - all synonyms.

And, at this point, the story is so far from being over.

I’ll bring you up to date in a day or two, then get back to my regular Monday posts.

I’m in the final pages of a thought-provoking book: Happier, by Tal Ben-Shahar, a Harvard professor. He keeps dropping revelatory bombs, some of which shed light on the difficulty we have saying no at work.His basic premise goes like this: We are designed to seek happiness. Because the formula for happiness is pleasure + meaning + strengths, we find happiness when we are doing something meaningful that we enjoy and are good at. Something we can disappear into, where we lose track of time. So far, so good.

The kicker is this: we have most of our happiest moments - our flow states - when we’re working. That’s right: We are more likely to experience happiness working than when we are at leisure. We’re more likely to encounter meaning, pleasure and use our strengths when we are working. That’s what the research shows.There’s something else in the research: We believe that happiness is connected to leisure, not work, even though we report having more happy experiences at work. This mismatch between what we believe (leisure=happy) and what we experience (work=happy) points to a deep-seated prejudice against work in our culture. It’s as though we’re not supposed to love our work or bring the idea of pleasure into the work equation. Pleasure belongs to that 10th game of shuffleboard on the cruise ship, not to making the annual report look amazing. What’s up with that?

Apparently, many of us are channeling Immanuel Kant, who sternly told us that duty is the only moral action and that moral action is the only route - however circuitous - to happiness. There can be no meaning without duty, and duty involves the sacrifice of at least some self-interest. Therefore, meaningful work equals duty, duty equals sacrifice, and sacrifice equals happiness. You can’t have one with out the other. As for pleasure, forget about it. Taken to its logical extreme, this means the more self-interest you sacrifice, the more meaningful and moral are your actions and the happier you must be. This is what’s burning us out.It’s also 180 degrees wrong.

We don’t have to suffer to do good work. Enjoyment doesn’t invalidate it. We won’t be punished for taking care of ourselves. In fact, the work gets more valuable when I put enjoyment on an equal footing with doing good work. When I add self-interest to the mix.According to Kant, that is heresy. According to the way we are designed and the latest research on happiness, it’s the simple truth.I find this enormously comforting. I’m not all that good at leisure. It bores me if it goes on too long. I hate shuffleboard and miniature golf. I like working. I love contributing - I just don’t like being in endless sacrifice mode. It’s an attractive thought: I can dial up the pleasure and dial down the pain - and be happier - with a simple Kantectomy. Who’s in?

I’m humbled by the people I coach. Everyday they face the most astonishing levels of stress, do good - even great - work for their internal clients, then come back the next day for more. Their resilience is epic, even legendary. They are so good, in fact, that no one can see how close they are to flaming out.

Well, not no one. I can see it. My clients can too. Problem is, I can’t figure out how to get them to stop colluding with their tormentors.

Most of these high-achieving professionals would rather die than say to a client: “You slipped your deadline for reviewing this, which means the whole production schedule will be delayed.” I’m at a loss to understand why this is so difficult to say. Even when the client argues, or yells, or says, “but this has to be done in two weeks!” or complains to the pro’s boss, it doesn’t change the facts.

And isn’t it kinda obvious that, if a client cared that much, they’d have made time to do their part? Isn’t it kinda obvious that, since you have multiple clients and one of them is allowed to do this, someone else’s project will have to be delayed? And, isn’t it kinda obvious that you’ll then have no credibility with any of your clients? So why would you stay late atwork or come in on weekend rather than saying this?

Perhaps I’m missing something? If so, please correct me. I’m all ears.